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Important Women’s Health Issue

October 31st, 2008

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask
your doctor or
pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better
and more confident
about yourself and your actions.

Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and
let you tell the
world that you’re ready and willing to do just about
anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost
immediately and with a
regimen of regular doses you can overcome any
obstacles that prevent you
from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past
and you will discover
many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and
start living, with
Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who
are pregnant or
nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women
who wouldn’t mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try
it.

Side effects may include:

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration

Erotic lustfulness

Loss of motor control

Loss of clothing

Loss of money

Loss of virginity

Attraction to the same sex

Table dancing

Headache

Dehydration

Dry mouth

And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you
are whispering when
you are not.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell
your friends over and
over again that you love them.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think
you can sing.

WARNING:

The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you
can logically converse
with members of the opposite sex without spitting

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Menopause Jewelry

October 26th, 2008

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, Bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be Able to monitor my moods.

We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it

Turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a
Big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond. Dumb idiot.

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Please do not forget your flu shot

October 22nd, 2008

Please do not forget your flu shot!!!!

The First Half of this makes sense, but I like the second half better.

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of

fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because

exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day,

Go for a swim,

take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often.

If you can’t wash them,

keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air.

Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress

from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor’s approach.

Think about it…

When you go for a shot,

what do they do first?

They Clean your arm with alcohol…

Why?

Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So…….

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)

I put lime in my Corona …(fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)

Tell jokes, laugh….(eliminate stress)

Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it…

If you keep your alcohol levels up,

flu germs can’t get you!

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