June 27th, 2009 by kruzman
The 30-year run of Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show was both memorable and historic. It was the setting for a number of classic TV moments remembered by television watchers of several generations. Though many people remember Carson for his hilarious characters and skits, he was not one to shy away from controversial topics when it was something that he truly believed in. Many of his best-known moments have been captured on various classic TV DVD’s, enabling fans of Carson to watch their favorite bits over and over again.
One of Johnny Carson’s best known moments, one that demonstrated to the world just how quick his wit really was, happened two years after he began his run on The Tonight Show. On April 29, 1965, Ed Ames of the Daniel Boone television series was Carson’s guest. Ames was demonstrating how to throw a tomahawk using a wooden silhouette of a man, and when he threw the tomahawk it landed squarely in the silhouette’s crotch. As the crowd laughed, Carson quipped, “I didn’t even know you were Jewish.” This piece of classic television comedy was so popular that it was often replayed on the show’s anniversary.
Other classic moments on The Tonight Show revolved around some of the recurring characters that Johnny Carson portrayed, often with the help of Ed McMahon. Quite possibly the most famous of these classic television characters was Carnac the Magnificent, a mentalist played by Carson who would claim to be able to answer questions sealed in envelopes without ever seeing the question. The answers, of course, would never be straight answers and would instead be puns. When the audience didn’t like one of the jokes, he would respond with equally outlandish curses, such as “May a diseased yak befriend your sister.” Carson had a number of other popular characters as well, such as Floyd R. Turbo, Ralph Willie, and Aunt Blabby.
Not all of the comedy sketches that Carson did contained these repeating characters. There were a number of one-shot skits which appeared on the classic television show, including Carson’s portrayal of Hamlet delivering the famous “To be or not to be…” soliloquy. In the Johnny Carson version, however, were a number of product advertisements which flowed directly from the famous Shakespearean lines to create one of the funniest portrayals of the play to date.
In addition to providing laughs and unexpected punchlines, Carson would from time to time use his show as a means of exposing scams and fakes who were taking advantage of the public at large. Famed psychic Uri Gellar appeared on the show in 1973. Carson himself set up the props for Gellar’s act without Gellar or his manager being able to see them before filming. Despite Gellar’s claims of having genuine mental powers, he was unable to reproduce his usual tricks with the props that Carson provided. This method of proving Gellar a fraud had been suggested by Carson’s friend James Randi, a trained stage magician (like Carson himself) who later appeared on the show in 1987 to expose the supposed faith healer Peter Popoff. Though Popoff claimed that his knowledge of the audience’s problems came from “Godly visions”, Randi provided Carson and his audience with video that showed Popoff’s wife describing the people for him to heal via a microphone which broadcast to a speaker hidden in his hearing aid.
Other classic TV moments on The Tonight Show included visits from zoologists such as Joan Embery and Jim Fowler. They brought animals which Carson would often interact with in some way; many episodes featured Carson being crawled on by smaller animals. One famous incident often shown as a clip featured Carson leaning down too close to a panther’s cage which caused the cat to swipe at him with its paw. Carson ran across the stage and jumped into Ed McMahon’s arms for comedic effect.
When Johnny Carson retired from the show, his final episodes were considered major events. The most sentimental moment came on the next-to-last of his episodes. Bette Midler and Robin Williams were his guests. After Carson revealed in conversation some of his favorite songs, Midler began to sing one. The song soon became a duet between her and Carson. She finished her appearance by singing “One for My Baby (and One More for the Road).” An emotional Carson began to tear up on camera. This historic and touching moment was caught on film using a long camera angle never used in the previous 30 years of Carson’s run. One of his most emotional classic moments became a historic milestone in late night television filming.
Carson was an amazing entertainer, a charismatic personality and a moment maker. His appeal as a celebrity and a comedian carries on to future generations as classic television shows become available on DVD.
~Ben Anton, 2008
No TagsPopularity: 45% [?]
Read the rest »
June 19th, 2009 by kruzman
A humorous look into the not so secret inner workings of the female mind, good for a laugh.
Even though if you ask a woman if she is a typical woman she will say no, chances are if you ask her significant other he will probably say that she has many of the stereotypical traits that men are always making fun of, but confronted with this insight the woman will not only deny this, but will give examples of how she is not like other women.
Here, you will be able to examine and appraise some of the more common ways in which women behave in all their dealings with their men.
1) She can and will confront her partner when she feels she has grown in size. But, for him, his reply must always be similar.
2) She will talk against her own kin. But, under no circumstances can he indulge himself in such behaviour as well.
3) Women also enjoy bashing their significant others family, and if he does not agree then he is blind and stupid.
4) If a man makes a mess but does not clean it up he is being lazy, but when the a woman leaves a mess it is ok because she is just tired.
5) She is allowed to claim that if he is annoyed by her behaviour, he can leave. But, he can, under no circumstances, claim the same thing.
6) When he barks out at their kids, he must control himself because she never does the same. In her case, it is their kids who must learn how not to anger her.
7) When a Woman asks her significant other to make her a cup of coffee it is no big deal, and is expected to be done with out a complaint, but if a man asks a woman for a cup of coffee the woman will come back with “I am Not Your Slave”.
When the partner does not respond, the woman shouts and asks him to do so. But when he does, the woman shouts and asks him to shut up.
9) She will raise hell the moment he fails to comply with her important requests. But when he argues on the same lines, she will state that the same moral does not apply because each and every issue is crucial to her.
10) If he goes out and spends cash on something, she will claim that is a spendthrift. But, when she follows suit, the reason is that life is worth living to the fullest.
11) The partner does not know how to say sorry. The woman does, but, it is just that there is never a reason to say it.
12) The partner has got to nurture the relationship. But, on the other hand, the woman is tired and needs her beauty sleep.
Closure:
Let it not be argued or mentioned that a man is more than a woman because the opposite is the case. Women have more brains, are funnier and have a much better sense of fashion and humane characteristics. All I have done above is pointed out some of our female oddities, and such have not degraded women, but rather empowered them.
No TagsPopularity: 8% [?]
Read the rest »
June 9th, 2009 by kruzman
What were the last jokes that made you roll around on the floor because you were laughing so hard? Did it involve a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer? Was it on a TV show, or part of a stand-up comedy routine, or part of a recent lecture? In any event, do you remember how it made you feel?
More likely than not you can remember the last time, and if you took a minute you could probably tell me the jokes, and it probably made your day. It either gave you relief from the stress of taking your self or what you were doing so seriously, or it took your mind off of something that was causing you grief, or it just livened up an otherwise boring talk. Probably most importantly though, it allowed you to laugh which as we all know is “the world’s best medicine.”
But have you ever thought more about why this was so? Is there actually something about jokes and the resulting laughter that can change our health in a beneficial way? What is it about laughter that we love so much? Why are comedies so popular? Why is there such a thing as comic relief and why is it so effective–even in the most serious of plays or dramas? Well you shouldn’t be surprised to find out that scientists have been studying it but you may be surprised to find out that there is actually something about laughter that affects us more profoundly than we think.
Basically there is good evidence now that laughter produced by jokes can change the chemical milieu that courses through our body on a second to second basis, and in profound degree. Laughter releases natural endorphins that act on the same receptors as morphine that produce the feelings of relaxation and heightened mood. Levels of Dopamine, serotonin, and Nor- epinephrine are altered as well that produce endogenous anti- depressant effect.
Researchers then wondered about what action in particular was producing these changes–was it smiling, or the physical changes that take place in rate of breathing, in blood pressure, increased heart rate, etc. What they found was (as usual) that it most likely was a combination of physical changes in the body that occur with laughter. Each one of these changes by it self produced small effects but together were synergistic in producing these stress relieving, and mood improving results. It was interesting to note that spontaneous laughter was better than self produced laughs but not by as large a difference than you might think. Also merely smiling produced significant changes in the blood chemistry. So basically tell someone jokes, smile more, and laugh even if you have to fake it–it does the body good!
No TagsPopularity: 9% [?]
Read the rest »
June 4th, 2009 by kruzman
Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”?
A: It comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.
Q: What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died.”
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, “And where do you think you’re going to find a lawyer?”
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, “I demand one million and not a penny less.” As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, “I’m here to hook up your phone.”
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If…. You are charging someone to read these jokes.
No TagsPopularity: 10% [?]
Read the rest »
May 21st, 2009 by kruzman
One of the most common human experiences that two or more (depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love. But, it’s not always easy to tell if you are in like, lust or full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I’ve created this list of signs that you may be crazy in love!
1. If you’ve ever stared deeply into the eyes of your significant other for more than 10 seconds without cracking up hysterically … you may be in love.
2. If every person in your life tells you that she/he’s no good and you’re mailman, pharmacist and local news station agrees, yet you think they are “just jealous” … you may be in love.
3. Guys: if you’ve taken the pictures of the other women in you’re life off the walls, like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters, Playmate of the month calendar, Monster Truck Rally 2005 … you may be in love.
4. Ladies: men can produce excessive amounts of eye watering, nose burning noxious odor from almost any food or drink, and then aren’t above sharing it with others, especially at night. Knowing all this, and you STILL want to sleep in the same bed with him … you may be in love.
5. If your significant other asks you how they look in their new retro polyester lime green outfit and you say they look hot … you may be in love…. or you have a really strong self preservation instinct.
6. Guys: if you’ve ever given up washing and waxing that new car you just bought to watch “Sleepless in Seattle” with you’re girlfriend/wife for the 20th time … you may be in love.
7. If you always remember every anniversary and birthday of your partner, and you’re not female … you may be in love.
8. If you think the underwear and socks you get for your birthday and Christmas every year is a pleasant surprise … you may be in love.
9. If you thought the Sears Tool Set and rolling cabinet you got for your birthday was great idea, and you’re not male … you may be in love.
10. If you are taken to Burger King for a romantic dinner, and that doesn’t bother you … you may be in love.
11. If you notice your local florist starts arriving at work in a limo since you became a customer … you may be in love
12. If hearing “Honey, wheres my clean underwear?” brings tears of joy to your eyes … you may be in love
But the easiest way to tell if you are in love is this: If there is no one on this planet that you would rather spend everyday of your life with than the one you are with … then you ARE in love
No TagsPopularity: 20% [?]
Read the rest »
Tags: 
